party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
nutella sex= disaster
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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