if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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