I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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