I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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