U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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