I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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