she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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