If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize