You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize