Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize