Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize