i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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