she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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