i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize