hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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