I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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