i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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