Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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