He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize