i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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