You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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