I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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