My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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