I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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