I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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