Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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