K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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