Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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