i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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