Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize