I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize