just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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