I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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