I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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