Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it's like iHOP with fire
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize