he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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