i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize