i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize