dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize