i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize