Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
false alarm, still single
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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