Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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