member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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