Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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