Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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