i think my tv is drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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