I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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