people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
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i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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