No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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