My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize