What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize