I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize